But.. This year has not been all bad. There have been good things. Hope, friendships, faith, love, growth, and more. People have gotten a lot closer to people. Some friendships have been built that, outside of the circumstances that they were built in, probably never would have happened. God has shown Himself to so many people throughout the bad things. I am going to share with you a few good things that have happened because of bad things.
Something happened, that I am not going to go into, that caused a friendship I had to end. I thought I had a very good friendship with this person, but it ended in an ugly way. It happened over three weeks ago, but the pain is still here. Even so, God has comforted me throughout it. He has shown me that He let this happen for a reason, even though it hurts. It's brought me closer to God and taught me to trust Him more. Also, because of this, I have become closer to a couple of my friends. They have been there for me and helped me get through it. Even through bad circumstances and hurt, God is faithful.
For a little bit over a year, I've been having unexplainable health problems. They got a lot worse around summertime. Every time I eat, I am in pain. Sometimes the pain is not bad, sometimes the pain is excruciating. We haven't found any food triggers, which means no certain food makes the pain worse or not as bad. We've done tests, I've been scoped, they've run blood work, I've been put on so many different prescriptions, and none of it has helped or brought results. The tests have shown that there is nothing seriously wrong with me, but we still don't know what is causing the pain. Because of the pain, I can't eat as much or as often as I used to. I like food, so this hasn't been fun for me. But even so, God has taught me to trust Him through it. When we were waiting for the test results to get back a little over a month ago, I was stressed out about it. I surrendered it to God. And God is faithful. He gave me such a peace about it. Even though I could have had very serious problems, God reassured me that it was going to be okay, no matter what the test results showed. And praise be to God, the tests results showed that nothing was seriously wrong. He showed me that He is here with me carrying me through it. We are still searching and trying to figure out what is wrong with me, but through all the pain, tests, and prescriptions, God is faithful.
Along with the pain, I have also been having trouble sleeping. The doctors don't know if this is related to the pain with eating. It could be, it could not be. I can't sleep at night a lot of times, and even when I can, I am often fatigued throughout the day. For a while, I took maximum strength melatonin, which would usually knock a person out, and I still couldn't sleep. Most people would think of this as horrible and annoying.. And honestly, for a while, it was. But.. God is faithful. One night when I couldn't sleep, I started praying. I started praying at night more often, and I can honestly say that even though the fatigue gets old, I am blessed to have the extra time to spend with God. Through all of the sleepless nights, God is faithful.
Last night was another one of those sleepless nights. I usually have music playing in my iHome, but my sister is home right now and she can't sleep with music on. However, I can't sleep without music. So I put my headphones in and decided to sleep like that. I usually listen to Switchfoot, NeedToBreathe, Relient K, or something else along those lines at night. For some reason, last night, I changed my iPod from Switchfoot to a playlist called 'Worship music'. I was laying in bed, and to no surprise, I couldn't sleep. Thoughts were flooding my head, particularly about the friendship that I had lost. I was feeling hurt and lonely, but God is faithful. Last night was one of those nights where sleeplessness was a blessing. I was lying there listening to the worship music, and unexplainable peace flowed over me. It was wonderful. I began to worship silently (my sister was asleep). God comforted me. I felt so less lonely. I was lying there and it was like God wrapped His arms around me and took away the hurt and loneliness. I felt so free. And it was such a unique opportunity to worship my Saviour. Through the feeling of loneliness, God is faithful.
I just started an Ebenezer list. You're probably asking, "What's an Ebenezer list..?" Well, I actually got the idea at New Camp in 2010. Erik Bledsoe led worship, and we sang Come Thou Fount quite a bit throughout the week. There's a line in the song that says, "Here I raise my Ebenezer, hither by Thy help I've come." and up until that week, I didn't really understand what it meant. Erik explained it before we sang the song one day. It goes back to the story in 1 Samuel 7, where Samuel set up an Ebenezer to thank God for His help in the battle against the Philistines. Ebenezer literally means 'Stone of help'. So basically, my Ebenezer list is a list of how God has helped me. How God has brought me this far. It consists of things as little as God providing money for something, or as big as God doing something that changed my life. It's a small list right now, considering I just started it, but it shows God's faithfulness. I already know that it was a good idea that I started the list. It will be something I can look back on in a few years, or when life is hard, and remember God's faithfulness and how He has brought me to where I am. Throughout life, God is faithful.
I hope that this blog shows something to whoever reads it. I hope it reminds everyone who reads this about God's faithfulness. About how wonderful, loving, and caring He is, through the good things and the bad things. I hope that you never forget that God is faithful and loves you. I hope that you remember the Ebenezer's in your life, that it is by God's help that you have come to the place you are. I hope you remember that throughout hurt and heartache, God is faithful. That throughout medical issues, tests, and countless prescriptions, God is faithful. That throughout sleepless nights, God is faithful. That throughout feelings of loneliness, God is faithful. That throughout life, God is faithful. Throughout everything, GOD IS FAITHFUL.
"The LORD's lovingkindnesses indeed never cease, for His compassions never fail. They are new every morning; great is Your faithfulness. 'The LORD is my portion,' says my soul, 'Therefore I have hope in Him.'" -Lamentations 3:22-24
